dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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