If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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