did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
