Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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