Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
