What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
