my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
