Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize