Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
