There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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