Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
