She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
