Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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