sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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