im having a threesome with these popsicles
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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