when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize