I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
