i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
