So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
