i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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