I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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