i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
