I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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