I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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