i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
