yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
