At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize