remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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