you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
