cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
