i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
