escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
