I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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