I seem to have left my pride at pride
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
