so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
