So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize