My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
