As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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