Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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