Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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