So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
