pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
