dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
