We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
