i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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