Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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