You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
