God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
