Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
