I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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