ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
