im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
