I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
