the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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