It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize