i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
