absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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