There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
