he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
