I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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