Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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