if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
