I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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