The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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