Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize