i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
