He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am naked and annoyed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
