I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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