is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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