If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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