So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
