summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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