sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
