You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
And then he peed in my hair
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
