I'm eating all of the evidence.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
