...so i touched it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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