Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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