I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
