it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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