So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize