so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
