You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize