i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
