I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
