Pants 0. Shit 1.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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