he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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