it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
