Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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