Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
