Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
