this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
