My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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