YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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