So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize