i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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