My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
