the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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