this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
