I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
