i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
