i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
