apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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