I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
