Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
