My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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