Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
