Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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