Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
