i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
