did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
