you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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