I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
