The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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