I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
