i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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