My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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